I'm Definitely Not Writing About That

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Me, not yelling at my kids

Sometimes I get all brave and think I am going to write about really personal, intense stuff, like I did when I wrote that last blog post,  But sometimes, I chicken out.  I'm seriously working on not doing that anymore...the chickening out part I mean.  So, at the prompting of my writing teacher, I started making a list of things I'm not writing about right now, and then this kind of happened.......

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The Unravelling (Or Phoenix Rising)

The unravelling
In the midst of the unravelling, on a relatively good day.  Smiling was hard.

I wrote this piece for my Telling True Stories Course and it was pretty freaking hard.  Once I convinced myself that I was just writing it for me, and nobody but the teacher and the other students in the class would see it, the writing came easier.  After I was done, and despite being completely terrified at the thought of someone else reading this, I knew I had to share it.  After all, that's why I'm taking this course...to practice being vulnerable and authentic, 'brave and afraid', because I've reached a point in my life where I just can't tolerate being anything else.

When I asked my husband if he minded that I share this with you, as always, he was supportive, even though this is as much about him as it is about me.  This piece reflects a period in my life when I honestly never thought I'd feel alive again.  Turns out, I was wrong......

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25ish Things About Me

Namaste

Me, just about to break a world record with 800 of my new friends. (See #20)
(Sorry to whoever's butt that is in the background)

So, I'm taking this writing course with Laurie Wagner called 'Telling True Stories'.  I decided to do this for a few reasons.  First off, because I need a kick in the ass to write consistently.  Also, I always strive to be truthful in my writing, but I feel like I could do a better job of sharing my authentic voice with you.  I always resonate with those people who are vulnerable, badass, truth tellers, and I want to be one of them.  I believe whole heartedly that sharing our stories can be healing and transformative for ourselves, and the people we share them with.  By sharing struggles, triumphs, quirks, wisdom gained from experience, and all the other stuff of life, it's my hope to connect with you in a meaningful way and to let you know that you are not alone.  We are ALL just trying to be human together. 

The first assignment we were given, was to write a kind of 'list' consisting of 25 things the reader (that's you) wouldn't necessarily know about you (that's me).  Now I'm gonna admit (See? Me being truthful right here), that I ALMOST took the easy way out and just used the list posted on my 'About' page.  Then I decided that felt icky and out of integrity and was a shitty way to start out the course.  Really the opposite of why I am doing this.  I HAVE included a couple of those things from the 'about' page here, because it made sense to.  But much of this, is stuff that I never would have shared even a year ago.  So, deep breath, here goes........

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It All Boils Down To The F Word

georgiaokeefe

Quick yes or no question for you....
Is there something in your life that you wish were different? Something you know needs to change? No overthinking it....the answer is either YES or NO.

O.k. Got it?

If you answered No, you are my hero and this blog post is probably not going to be very useful to you. So...carry on and keep being awesome, or magic....or whatever the hell it is you obviously are, that enables you to be utterly and completely satisfied with everything in your life.

If you are a mere mortal, like the rest of us, and answered Yes to this question, or if you're one of those people (like me) who can't give a simple yes or no answer because your brain just doesn't work that way, and end up answering something like, 'Well my life's not PERFECT if that's what you mean', or 'Yeah, there might be SOMETHING I wish were different, but it's not THAT bad', or 'Yeah, things need changing but I'm not sure exactly what or how to go about it, so I'd just prefer not to think about it'..... Then this one's for you!

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Why I Don’t Do New Year’s Resolutions

nope

It's New Year’s Day.  Social media, the internet and communication in general is a buzz with bold declarations for a new and improved 2016 (or whatever year we're heading into)... Renewed commitments to work, relationships, hobbies, spirituality, and especially health.  Advertisements abound for the latest in exercise, and especially diet programs……Everyone and their dog is declaring their intentions to hit the gym, buy a treadmill, join a Pilates class, go paleo/gluten free/vegan/local/hormone diet……the list goes on.

I get it. I really do. The New Year seems like the ‘right’ time to turn over a new leaf….and it very well might be for many people.  BUT….not necessarily for everyone…..maybe not for you, and most definitely not for me.

Here are 8 reasons that I gave up declaring New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago:

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The Only Way to Change the World

 

changetheworld

It's ALL about you.  No really....it is! I know that sounds like an insane thing to say, especially in light of all the chaos and suffering going on in the world right now, but hear me out.

I used to obsess over changing the world. All my awareness and attention was on what was happening 'externally'. I spent a TON of energy focussing on the injustices on the planet, in my community, at work, and even in my own family. I agonized over how to 'fix' people, organizations, systems and situations. I argued my point A LOT, and was almost apoplectic when things didn't go my way or people didn't see 'the obvious'. And of course....I WAS ALWAYS right. I figured, if I was just passionate and articulate enough about what I thought/believed....then I could convince everyone else that they should agree with me and....well, problem solved dammit! The world/organization/family...would be all the better for seeing it my way.

That's how it's done right? Use your influence/knowledge/anger/passion/beliefs, to make everyone see the error of their ways, and force changes in the external world. Easy peasy. Except.....

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"Kick Fear To The Curb provided me with a rare opportunity to set aside time for myself to focus on my goals and to explore some of the reasons that prevent me from reaching them.  Fear can take many forms and it wasn't immediately obvious to me what mine were, but Lara provided a safe space and gentle encouragement that helped me navigate the process.  It was helpful to read the comments from others taking the course.  Everyone was being brave and afraid at the same time and it was inspiring." ~ Sandi

"Lara!! I am so grateful for you! Your Kick Fear to the Curb has brought me to a place I couldn't have reached without you and your course! I had the courage to call out that I wasn't happy in my current role in my career, approaching my mentors and coaches, and collectively had open discussions and made the move to a new role! Consequently, I have more time for me!" ~Marissa

“Lara is a bright shining presence who adds a layer of intelligence and sweetness to each encounter. It's a privilege working with her!” - Melanie Harth PhD
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Dr. Melanie Harth in the Huffington Post

 

"With Lara's guidance and support, I walked away from the experience with a fresh perspective, and a new found passion for life." Laura-Leigh
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