Sometimes I’m Tired of Butterfly Soup

butterflyswarm

You know how when caterpillars turn into butterflies they go through a kind of mind blowing, perplexing process of transformation called metamorphosis?  Yeah.

And you know how somewhere in the middle of that process, the caterpillar is no longer a caterpillar, nor is she yet an actual butterfly?  Yeah. 

And you know how when the neither-caterpillar-nor-butterfly is inside her cocoon she is just a big goopy, jumbled mess of Butterfly Soup that’s waiting to become a fully formed butterfly?  Yeah. 

Well, sometimes I get tired of Butterfly Soup. 

Lately, I’ve been feeling like if I have to choke back one more morsel of it, I’m gonna hurl. But despite the nausea, I keep going back for more.

I know! It’s messed up.

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Reflecting on 2016 & Some Practical Magic

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A few years back, our little family started a tradition of having a night where we hang together, discuss the preceding year and ask for some guidance in the form of what some might consider the witchy woo practice of drawing oracle cards. 

Do we necessarily believe in magic/magick?  Well, to varying degrees among the four of us, yes.  But maybe not in the way you’re picturing.  I’ve come to consider my perhaps less than orthodox practices, rituals and beliefs as forms of ‘practical magic’. 

It’s o.k., you don’t have to get it.  But, maybe you're someone who feels a resonance with these kinds of things too.  If you do, you're not alone. 

Lately, I've been having so many flashbacks to my childhood and realize that my relationship to all things mystical, has always existed.  In fact, although it's never openly talked about, belief and experience with the witchy woo, runs in the family. 

What I've come to know, is that using these kinds of ‘magical tools’ is really more a way of listening to your intuition/soul/divine guidance (or whatever you choose to call the greater wisdom that we all know or have experienced on some level… even if we dismiss it or call it coincidence).

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When What You Think Is Distraction, Is Actually

Your Truth Calling

moonritual.2

I recently read a Facebook post by Danielle LaPorte titled, 'The royal practice of overcoming distraction.'  It really hit home for me.  What she says so often does, but this particular message resonated big time.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at the right time.  As I’ve come to know, that’s the way things work when we’re paying attention.

I’d just been talking (well maybe more like venting) to my husband about how frustrated I’m feeling with being pulled in every damn direction this year.  Despite my honed ability to say no, there still never seems to be enough hours in a day to do all the things that need and want doing.

The past several months, I feel like there are just too few of me.  I swear if I could, I’d clone myself like Michael Keaton did in that old movie, Multiplicity.  But as I recall, that didn't turn out so well. So, on second thought, maybe not the best solution.

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To The Woman In Line At Starbucks

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You’re a few spots ahead of us in line. My son points you out.  Thankfully he’s past that age where he just blurts out whatever’s in his head, in public at least.  Instead, he tugs on my arm so I’ll lean down and he whispers in my ear, “Mom, I get the feeling that lady doesn’t like herself very much.” 

I squeeze his shoulder and silently agree.

See, I'd already noticed you, but I kept my thoughts to myself. The very exact thoughts he's having.  I would never say what I was thinking to him, or anyone else out loud.  But he brought it up and it’s clear, we're seeing and intuiting the same thing.

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Feeling All The Feelings - The Day After The U.S. Election

stoneheart

Today, like many of you, I’m feeling all the feelings.  Usually, words come easy to me, at least the ones I write down, but today the feelings are coming fast and furious and leaving little room for the words.  Today, the day after the U.S. election, the day after the majority (well, not REALLY the majority) of our closest neighbours chose to elect Donald Trump to lead their country, I can’t stop feeling all the feelings.  I know eventually, this too shall pass because it always does, and so today, all I can do, is feel all the feelings.

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How To Cope With, Or Stave Off, A Panic Attack

 deep breaths

This morning sucked.  Well actually, it started last night and continued this morning.  I’ll spare you the details but suffice it to say that ‘shit’ occurred.  Shit that I clearly saw coming but that I’ve learned from experience, could not be stopped no matter how much I didn’t want it to happen.

Anyhow, point is, I slept like crap because even though I’m approaching ninja level boundary setting capability these days, the aforementioned shit really, really got to me.  It got to me bad.

See, boundary setting doesn’t mean you’re a selfish, cold, compassionless human.  In fact, it usually means that you care and feel everything so damn much, that you’ve learned if you don’t set boundaries, you will be sucked into a vortex of pain and turmoil so powerful, that it will render you completely non-functioning, incapable of rational thought or action, and basically of zero use to anyone. 

Learning to set boundaries was born out of pure self preservation for me, and for many other people who would rather be alive, mostly sane and productive than, well, the opposite of that.

So, despite the boundary setting, the shit got to me so much this morning that I started to feel the symptoms of a panic attack coming on.

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